So I finally made it back from vacation, and I need a break. That was exhausting, but it was great all at once. It all started like these things often do, at the airport. I haven’t flown in years, so I forgot how much I hate it. But I had some help.

Timmy made sure all of my things were organized and ready to go. Amazingly it worked.

Once that was out of the way, and I was through security (they wouldn’t let me take a picture of Timmy traveling through the x-ray) it was time to take care of prepping for the actual flight itself. Have I mentioned my intense fear of flying? Actually, it isn’t really flying that bothers me. It is the thought of a giant pressurized metal tube flying through the air, geld aloft by nothing but air pressure and happy thoughts, with me trapped inside, plummeting to the ground.

And then I prepped some more.

Timmy kind of overdid it and had to be carried the rest of the trip. You know how monkeys are. Thankfully the rest of the traveling was uneventful. I flew from San Antonio to Memphis, where I rushed to a bar to top up on my anxiety medication, before flying into Cincinnati.

People sometimes ask me “So, what do you think of Ohio.” My response is always the same and generally sums up my thoughts on how the entire place operates. “The Cincinnati airport, is in Kentucky.”  Though, as much as I make fun of it, it isn’t really all that bad. So, a lot of things bother me there, but I am not entirely sure it isn’t just me noticing certain things out of proportion or odd coincidences. It does seem that I meat a lot of people with a history of severe drug problems, criminal records and not only a lack of education, but seemingly taking an odd amount of pride in that fact. Not to mention dental issues that make Shane MacGowan (go ahead and google him, I will wait) look like a Colgate model. But, again, it may be my exposure to a very small segment in an isolated rural area. It could be the rest of the state is very nice. (Oh, go ahead, write the angry comments about how great Ohio is, and what an ass I am. But you may want to save that anger and indignation for a later post where I go off on people who call their pets their children.)

The trip itself was fun. I got to spend lots of time with the kids, and Timmy made some new friends along the way.

For the record, this was as close as I got to the giant lizard, and only because there was glass keeping him from leaping onto my face and ripping my eyes from their sockets for a snack. (You can tell from the look on her face that she would do it if only given the opportunity.)

A good time was had by all. Timmy even started a business running a bait shop.


Fishing at the pond was fun. I didn’t catch anything, thank god. If I had I might have had to touch it and scream like a little girl in front of the kids. I have a rule about touching any live animal that is incapable of maintaining it’s own body temperature.

But I will admit the pond was pretty.


That is until I was attacked by an army of flesh eating, rabid ducks.


The one on the left was their leader.

After a narrow escape from the bloodthirsty killer ducks, I opted to stay indoors for the remainder of the trip. We watched movies, we played games, we spent quality time.


I also got confirmation that my youngest son really is related to me. Rather than move the mouse to the other side of the computer, he opts to do this as a solution to being left handed. This kind of behavioral confirmation is better than a DNA test.

And then the trip came to a close. Tears, sad faces and heartache were the order of the day, but in the end, I am glad I got to see them, and that we got to spend time together.


So with Timmy safely tucked away, I headed back to get on another terrifying airplane to head home.


Going home wasn’t all bad. I got to ride on a train in the airport for all of 15 seconds.


And Timmy got over his fear of flying.

In the end, I am glad I took the trip. I got to see my kids. Timmy got to ride in airplanes. I had White Castle and Cincinnati Style chili. It was a good trip and really worth it. I think I want to do it again. But this time, I need a hotel room. That lizard was plotting to kill me in my sleep.


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