Sometimes I wish I didn’t hate Monopoly

My ex wife learned an important lesson about me in the first months we were together. She had the brilliant idea to say “Let’s play Monopoly!” I tried to warn her “I have never enjoyed a game of Monopoly in my life, and it gets on my nerves.” But like so many other times she insisted we do something stupid, the outcome was disappointing. (Other greatest hits that ended badly include insisting I try to reconnect with my estranged father, the time she insisted we go to the carnival when I wasn’t feeling well, and that time she let her 12 year old sister in the delivery room while she gave birth to our first child.)

We set the game up, and the first half hour was ok. The next three and a half hours were excruciating. She also seemed to have a problem with my strategy. Once I see I am destined to lose I start doing things like insisting I pay double when I owe you rent, and leaving a tip when I leave your property. Monopoly and I don’t get along. But I honestly do wish I liked the game so I could own this.


I may get it anyway, and leave it sealed as if it were the puzzle box from Hellraiser, filled with nothing but pain and suffering.


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